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It started off just fine and the way all great experiences should – with a little shopping. I bought myself a yoga outfit that was so cute with its soft grays and whites, cropped pants and being all spandexy it actually made me look pretty good. Alas, there are no shoes to buy for yoga but I decided not to let that minor fact influence my decision.
I arrived a bit early for the class, all fresh faced and feeling very zen-like, ready to embark on a physically rewarding endeavor with spiritual undertones. As the nubile instructor began the class I was actually quite pumped. She looked AMAZING! This could be me in just a few short weeks. I could already imagine my svelte, graceful figure gliding down the street with my head held high and perfect posture, turning heads at every corner.
And then the class began.
What planet do these yoga people come from that allows their bodies to bend that way? The way I see it is if God had wanted me to reach that far down he would have littered the ground with gluten-free donuts or diamonds or Jimmy Choo shoes.
My competitive juices kicked in as I eyed my gumby-like classmates. I twisted and turned and stretched. I threw my back out.
The sitar music started to wear on my last nerve but finally we were done, or so I thought. We spent the last 15 minutes laying on skinny little mats placed on the cold hard floor while the instructor suggested we empty our minds and relax. I carry a lot of stuff in my mind and the idea of letting any of it out of there, if even for an instance, stressed me out beyond belief. What if I forgot my ATM pin number or the password for twitter or where I parked my damn car? Worse yet what if by letting all the normal day to day things out of my mind it creates a vacuum allowing other, evil things to flood in. What if my amazing gluten-free coconut cupcake recipe got replaced with trying to figure out how to build a nuclear bomb? What if my to-do list was supplanted by a plot for world domination? What if I forgot I look terrible as a blond and bleached my hair?
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Yoga Recap
Cost:
Cute little soft gray-white outfit with cropped pants – $144.99
Yoga Class – $75.00
Chiropractic Treatment – $45.00
Calories burned:
Negative 300 (from stress eating a hot fudge sundae after class)
Probability that yoga is my exercise calling:
pretty nil
I am however undaunted. The quest continues.
Next up – running.
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Yoga – Simply Gluten Free
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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
Isn't the first time you try any workout supposed to suck? I thought that was kind of the point.
wait. you're gonna give up after one class? that's like giving up on gf bread after buying one in the frozen section, girl! There are lots of yoga classes out there – and trust me most of them will not play sitar. what are your exercise goals here? If it is to get strong, yoga/pilates is your best bet unless you wanna move to muscle beach. I'd say try another class, preferably one with a *competent* instructor walking around correcting posture *hands-on*, and you will not throw your back out.
I'm with the above commenters. Trying a new exercise once, then quitting because you're not as good as the regulars, is not the way to figure out if it's for you. You're setting yourself up for failure. You'll go through your entire list of potential exercises and not find one you like. If you really want to be serious about finding the right exercise regime for you have to be serious about your approach to finding it.
Great writing! I was totally amused. As for the yoga, I have taken the stand on your head kind and the soft soothing kind. Much better, the latter. Took my teen age nephew to the former one time. He was not to be outdone by a bunch of ladies in their 30's, so in spite of all warning to not push himself, he did the guy thing and suffered for two days afterwards. All exercise is a pain, in my opinion, but you have to move the body. Don't give up!
You are hilarious! Thanks for the laughs. Maybe Pilates? good luck!
This is my first time reading your blog. And just this first post has me hooked! Can't wait to read some of the archives :)
Don't give up yet! Give it a shot. :) It takes a little while but it is definitely worth the results!
I like Yoga…..moms! In their cute little outfit from that (Canadian) company Lululemon.
Not even sure if they know that this word means yellow pee in german…
Oh no!!!!! hahaha!
As a former ballet dancer, yoga comes naturally to me. My mom and sisters, however, loathe it. I loathe running. To each his own, right?!
Good luck with exercise venture #2!
This made me laugh. I love yoga and all that twisty, bendy stuff, but I absolutely hate the final minutes spent in shavasana. I can't empty my mind. I lay there and it my mind just speeds along with all the stuff that needs to be done. Like some of the other comments said… look for a different class. It's done amazing things to my body over the last two years.
Thankfully you can use the same outfit for pilates!
I love this post! I laughed aloud when reading it, though I confess I must agree with those who are urging you not to give up after one class. Cute little yoga outfit needn't be used only for lounging on Sunday.
Your body needs to get used to the idea of stretching, but it's the best thing you can do for yourself. Just find a class without the sitar music and you'll be fine!