Bad Wife/Good Wife
Living a gluten free lifestyle is infinitely easier when you have a support system in place.
This is my he-man. My hubby. My biggest supporter, my truest friend and my champion.
After 33 years of marriage, I still love him to distraction. He can literally take my breath away just by kissing my check.
He is a strong, courageous, loyal person. He is also considerate, funny and never EVER boring.
Once when I had dry lips he went out and bought me 27 different types of lip treatments – Chapstick, Burt’s, Blistex, Badger Balm, you name it. He didn’t know if I liked gels or sticks, medicated or not, flavored or original and if flavored which one. He didn’t know which ones would be gluten free. So he bought them all. I think that shows that even strapling, strong he-men can be sweet.
He is much too good for me.
Here’s just some idea of why.
Five reasons why I am a BAD wife:
1. I lost his beloved parrot. I hated this bird and the feeling was mutual. She screeched like the Second Coming every time I came near her or was on the phone, she constantly tried to eat my fingernails, she bullied the cat and the dog and hated everyone except my husband who she snuggled and cooed with. You could practically see those little Disney hearts circling her head every time she saw him. Maybe I was jealous because he loved her too. Who knows? Anyway, I lost her. I didn’t mean to; it was an accident. She flew out the front door when I opened it but I did do a little happy dance when it was clear she was never coming back.
2. One night my husband came home late after a series of meetings. He had told me he would eat dinner and not to worry about making anything for him to. However when he arrived home, he was starving and asked me to make him something. I looked through my fridge and all I could find was the food I make for the dog. Now I may be a terrible wife but I am very good to my dog. I make him all his food. I take fresh raw turkey, grind it up, mix it with cooked organic brown rice and fresh veggies and add in a good splash of extra virgin olive oil. So I took the dog’s food, added some seasoning and chopped onion, formed it into a patty and cooked him up a tastey turkey burger. Good thing he is way too busy to read my blog much and probably won’t find out I gave him dog food for dinner!
3. Once when his foot was all seized up and cramping and he was practically writhing in pain I wouldn’t rub his foot until I went into the kitchen and found my extra strength-heavy duty-able to pick up nuclear waste-rubber gloves. In my own defense his feet were all dried out and scaly at the time but I just don’t think that rubbing your man’s poor broken foot with rubber gloves exactly screams wifely devotion.
4. I’m a tad OCD about table settings. The night before our Christmas Eve party one year I had a candle emergency. After scouring 10 stores locally I still was unable to find the exact candles I needed for the dining room table. Meanwhile my husband had spent two harrowing days trying to get home from California. After missing one plane, getting food poisoning, getting on another plane a day later only to have it make an emergency landing because the woman whose life my husband had just saved had to be taken to a hospital thus missing his connecting flight and being stranded in Miami for hours, he needed to be picked up at exactly the same time as I was to be attending another Christmas party. Not only did I not pick him up at the airport (Jeez, it’s only a $30.00 cab ride for Pete’s sake) but since he was in Tampa anyway I sent him in search of the right candles. After three stores he was triumphant. I came home from my Christmas Party as my poor, belabored husband was dragging his weary body through the back door, barely able to stand but clutching the proper candles.
5. I wrecked his prized Classic 1976 Red Stingray Corvette. He loved that car! He babied that car. He does not allow the car to be driven when it rains. This is a man who can’t put his socks in the dirty clothes hamper but just let one speck of dust get on his beautiful car and watch out! It is cleaned off toot-sweet and perfectly to boot. Well, one night I was coming home after the theatre pretty late at night (and just for the record absolutely no alcohol of any kind was involved what-so-ever!) driving his car at a very moderate speed (honest!) and I hit a small patch of water. Corvettes are made of fiberglass so they are very lightweight and the car started to hydroplane. Before I could right it the front of the car smashed into a light pole which shattered the front end and spun the car around and the back of it hit a fire hydrant. In case you are wondering, they really do spew out all that water just like in the movies. Anyway his precious Corvette was in about a million pieces (did I mention that Corvettes are made of fiberglass? Well fiberglass shatters – trust me I know) all over the street, side walk and neighboring yards for as far as the eye could see. Plus I am pretty sure the inside was flooded by all that fire hydrant water. Don’t worry, I was unhurt, the car was eventually put back together and we are the proud owners of a new fire hydrant in San Jose California. (I still think that for all the money the city charged us they could have put a nice little elegantly engraved name plaque on it.)
Now would be the time to list all the reasons why I am a good wife. My hubby would say they are legion but that says more about him than me.
Really the only thing that makes me a good wife is that I am all in! Sink, tread water or gold medal winning swim to the finish line – I’ll be there. Richer, poorer, sickness, health, dry scaly feet and all. I love him and no matter what – I AM ALL IN!
That and I put his damn socks in the hamper every single bloody day without complaining (much).
Bad Wife/Good Wife – Simply Gluten Free